à l'envers

Last May a friend was visiting and asked why do so many people sleep on the subway in New York. Now I know the answer. Communting in New York City is so exhausting, you have to take a nap whenever you can, wherever you can. Every time I venture into the city, I return home completely drained. It is as if the City feeds off of your energy to stay alive. I am never so happy to be home than when I am here.

The weather has been splendid, and the end of the first semester of the third year is getting to me, all of us really. Finals are only three weeks away, and then a long, deserved winter break. Final stretch will be a clinical program, two pass/fail classes that are merely preparation for the Bar Examination in July. May 15 is graduation.

Baby is doing extremely well. K and I have taken some childbirth classes in the comfort of our home: we bought the DVD set for a very small fraction of the price. Will be scheduling a hospital tour to see how everything works and know what to expect, and even fill out all the insurance forms so we don't have to worry about it when we get there.

My mom arrives on the 31st, just in time for New Year's Eve, and will stay until the end of February. Keeping fingers crossed that baby will be right on time, perhaps even early? Doubtful as this is our first. Still, he might keep up with his current track record, of giving me the most easy pregnancy thus far. Thirty weeks, no back pain, no nausea, no significant discomfort yet. Knock on wood? What could be coming that will test our limits? Po'Boy still does not have a name, though, we've thought of a few like gift from God and illumined (meaning only so as to not spoil the surprise).

For many years I was aware that the UN and I share a birthday, and today, I got to spend a really special day at the UN headquarters in New York, doing work for my law school clinic. Me and some of my colleagues attended a meeting commemorating the 10th Anniversary of the Declaration of the Human Rights Defenders sponsored by the Norway Mission to the UN on the situation of HR defenders, and one of the guest speakers was the Special Rapporteur for Human Rights Defenders. We wanted briefly share with her the shadow report we co-authored as background information on the situation in Nicaragua, and let her know that the HR defenders in that country would be requesting a visit to their country. We were advised to arrive early to get our badges and make our way to the conference room where the event took place, as we had no idea where it would be. So we ended up spending most of the day at the UN. We had lunch at the cafeteria which has an amazing view of the East river, Roosevelt Island, and Queens. I could have taken a boat from my place to the UN we are so close. It was a real treat to do it on our special day.

This has been a very busy semester for me. Pregnancy being the least eventful, as you know.

By the end of this week, I will enter the final stretch - the third trimester. According to my obstetrician, the baby is growing well, and I am right on target. I had read that during the second trimester women begin to feel quite special because they are now clearly pregnant and people offer their seats on buses and trains. I am not feeling the love yet and wonder how big to I have to get for people to start really noticing that I am pregnant. I really think that some people still think I have gained some weight in the waist line and are afraid to suggest that I am pregnant and need a seat! This is not to say that I wish to be bigger. I think anyone with one iota of common sense can take a second look at me and be certain that I am pregnant. The lack of "love" can and is most likely attributable to the fact that people are simply not as interested in being nice as they used to. So far, only two men have offered their seats, and a hand-full of women - they are still more sensitive than men in offering. Maybe they are simply better at distinguishing fat from pregnancy. Baby is quite active, at all odd times of the day, which is reassuring.

Oh, and remember the group travel opportunity of a life-time that I was hoping not to miss? Well, it turned out that not just me but another colleague would have to stay back in funding had not come through. We were so lucky, because at the 11th hour, we got enough to send all students. And boy were we glad it did! This was one of the most interesting, demanding, and exponential learning experiences we have had, ever. Our group worked well together, we bonded, just as I thought we would, and we accomplished a great deal as a team. It was one of the most satisfying experiences I have had in a long time, and I feel very privileged to have had such professional gratification so early on in my legal career. The experience instilled new faith in the international system, and the tremendous evolutionary process of international law, which with each step becomes a tad more firmly established.

The experience also shed light on some personal areas that can benefit from some good polishing; and of course I will be looking at those very closely in the coming months and try to address them in systematic fashion. While at times one feels completely inadequate to do this kind of work, the experience helped mitigate much of that insecurity. The goal is to gather as many such experiences under my belt, until working in this field becomes second nature.

I am killing time; it is late and am waiting for a response to a couple questions in an email. You probably quit reading two paragraphs ago. lol Best I get some rest. ttfn

At the risk of sounding vague, I simply have to put this out there. Although nothing is confirmed, I am bummed by the possibility that one person in our team will have to stay back while the rest of the group goes on a work trip. Even more bummed because I have a sneaky feeling that I will be that person. But it is unfair no matter who stays.

Up until today, the thought of missing out on the actual work was not so bad, because there were equally fulfilling opportunities to gain the experience in town next year. Yet, it occurred to me today that whenever a group of people travel together a bond is created as a result of that collective experience. That bond inevitably leaves out the person(s) who stayed behind.

The dynamics of the group change once the subset gets back. There is a camaraderie that sets in with the group that experienced the journey. It is as if the group that went entered into a privileged club to which the other person who was left behind will never gain admittance. I worry how that privileged membership affects overall performance ratings, for example.

The best way to counter that is to do the best one can and prove oneself on the merits, rather than on the basis of a shared experience. Easier said than done. Still, I am bummed.

Suppose it was not that vague after all.